Macaroons From Hell

Why Pinterest, why? Why do you get my hopes up??

Look, I know it's not their fault, but I do feel like calling the blogger who posted this specific recipe and ... sigh. As if I would actually do anything.

When AJ came home from school with a notice about a Bake Sale fundraiser I instantly began searching Pinterest for nut-free recipes. I want to be THAT Mom. I want to show up to her school with a tray of homemade baked goods, wind blowing through my hair, no bag under my eyes and have everyone GASP at my creation. This is why I chose to make - Creamsicle Macaroons.

Eight ingredients? No problem!

BIG PROBLEM!

First of all, where the hell do you buy full-fat coconut milk? There are a hand full of brands, but NONE of them say full-fat. I shook the cans and went with the one that made less of a squishy noise. I should also add that by this point, I had done a trial run on the macaroons and used regular straight up coconut milk. The result was more of a coconut soup than a sweet baked treat. But did that clue me into the fact that something was wrong? Nope. I ladled them onto a foil covered baking sheet and crossed my fingers. This was the out come. And I don't think Hercules could even pry them off.

I assumed the issue was the coconut milk, so began my hunt for the full-fat version. I am not yet convinced it actually exists.

As mentioned above I found coconut milk that seemed more solid than the rest, so I went with that. I also (finally!) invested in parchment paper, after several wax paper and foil incidents, it was about time.

Batch #2 looked perfect. I solved the soupy issue by ditching the liquid from the coconut milk and made use of the solid parts. The batter was firm, but I feel like the macaroons gave up on life while on their oven vacation. They over tanned themselves and simply let go. Fell to pieces.

 

I had enough ingredients to attempt batch #3 and was determined to make these damn macaroons! So I started again making one small change. I formed the macaroons into little balls - snowballs, if you will. In my mind they would stick together and become sweet drops of heaven. 

Wrong. So very very VERY wrong! 

All you had to do was breathe on them and they fell apart. What is it with coconut and giving up on life? Like hold yourselves together!

In the end I showed up empty handed. I was disappointed but it made me realize something - I don't need to be THAT mom. I need to be THIS mom. The mom who tried and tried and tried again. I think AJ will learn more from that than if I had been the perfect baker with perfect macaroons.

Who likes them anyway? Me. I do! But right now, if I never see another one, it will be too soon.